Imposter Syndrome and The Power of Trust
By Aaron BethuneDo you ever feel like a fraud? Do you fear that someday, someone will call your bluff? You’re not alone. Studies show that up to 82% of the population experience feelings of not being good enough no matter how much they have actually achieved. So, how do we challenge these feelings in ourselves and others? Read on.
Imposter syndrome
According to the National Library of Medicine, Imposter syndrome (IS) is "a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals. These individuals cannot internalize their success and subsequently experience pervasive feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and/or apprehension of being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite verifiable and objective evidence of their successfulness."
Chances are, if you have imposter syndrome, it may be an indicator that you are more successful than you think
We have noticed that every author at We Write Stories seems to experience imposter syndrome, without exception. The feeling of being a fraud, that you don’t deserve your accolades, can affect anyone, but it disproportionately affects successful people.
I have found two types of people who stand out as imposter syndrome sufferers:
Hard workers with a clear vision of where they want to be to consider themselves successful. Accepting any suggestion of success before that point feels like a false claim.
People who don't recognize the value of their innate talent because it feels effortless. "Why should I charge for something I can do easily?"
Even the most accomplished individuals can doubt their worthiness, questioning, "Why me? Why should I write a book? Who would read it?" This self-doubt is misplaced. It’s a widespread issue that affects not just aspiring authors but people from all walks of life. It can be compared to a student hesitating to raise their hand in class, scared of saying the wrong thing. Imposter syndrome is a matter of perspective and hinders people from realizing their full potential. Those with valuable insights or experiences may shy away from the spotlight because they don't feel deserving, and consequently, the world misses out on potentially impactful knowledge.
When we speak to authors, we encourage them to see things differently. If your experiences can help others and you choose not to share them, isn't that a disservice? This reframing can quickly shift perspectives.
When I turned 40, I learned the power of listening at a Tibetan Buddhist Monastery. As a way for the community to share their challenges and personal struggles, everyone speaks their mind without interruption or response, creating a space for profound openness. The longer the listeners stay quiet, the more the speaker shares. This happens in indigenous communities with Talking Circles. There are no interruptions, questions, or feedback. We seldom experience such undivided attention. When people are truly heard, it's transformative. It heals. It even helps high-achieving people struggling with Imposter syndrome.
What is Success?
We are all on our path and have an internal gauge that indicates how much further we have to go to reach our current ideas of success. I know many people who, by all measures, are very successful. Yet when told how successful they are, it doesn't resonate as they feel far away from reaching their personal goals. Undoubtedly, they keep raising their bar.
What does being successful look like to you? For a lot of people, success equates to financial success. If you're in the arts, if you're a musician, you may think of success as becoming famous, being seen by many people, and becoming a household name. But unequivocally, most people I ask tell me it is something they currently are not. And that sets them up to continually strive for something they don't yet have. If you feel content with where you are, you can acknowledge the chapters you have already lived, recognizing that your experience may have value for somebody else. For those people, we may have insights into where their story can lead. We would only be imposters if we tried to share insights we ourselves have yet to experience.
Another facet of imposter syndrome emerges when a task comes easily to us and we undervalue our skills, thinking, "Why should I charge for something I can do effortlessly?" But ease for one person can be a challenge for another. Just because a task is simple for you doesn't mean it lacks value. Many individuals, including myself, have struggled with this, dismissing our skills as unremarkable only to find that others greatly value what to us seems obvious.
Furthermore, there's a discrepancy between external perceptions of success and one's personal feelings of inadequacy.
I remember conversing with one of the best singers I have ever heard. He had praise from some of the most well-known artists in the world. Yet his confidence was in the gutter. He didn't feel worthy of the compliments. He had imposter syndrome. Yet when I asked him to imagine being on a stage, singing, tapping into the feeling that comes when everything around you, the crowd, the lights, the band, everything disappears as you become truly connected to the moment, if in those moments he feels lacking in confidence? Could he imagine doing anything else? Was he an imposter in those experiences of flow? The answer was a resounding “No!”. The connection to his voice and the music was so strong that it was beyond the low-level thoughts of imposter syndrome. It was no longer about others or himself. It was about a connection to something much greater. When you can find that level of connection, you are truly fulfilling your purpose. You would be depriving the audience of an incredible performance if you didn't believe in yourself.
Trust
From mountaineering experiences, where trust can be a matter of life or death, I learned the importance of relying on others. That's the environment we aim to create in our book-writing process—quickly establishing trust is essential. You need to believe that everyone involved has your best interests at heart. Authors trust that we seek an excellent outcome and respect their control over the final content.
Once trust is established, it opens the door to deeper exploration and growth. Authors open up about their innermost fears and dreams and begin to question their own insecurities.
An author with whom we were working on a book had hit physical rock bottom at 48; he realized his life was on a self-destructive path to the finish line. Struggling with alcoholism and in the worst shape of his life, he decided to turn things around. He signed up to compete in a Navy Seals event called Kokoro and started training. He went all in and committed to the lofty goal. Teetering on the limits of his physical abilities, he finished his first Sealfit Kokoro, a gruesomely tough 50-hour non-stop crucible in the scorching sun of Temecula, California. He had a strong "why," and it carried him through to the end. Others half his age got carried away on a stretcher after being medically dropped from the event.
One day while on a call, I said, "You're a machine man! You're unstoppable." "People tell me that, but I just don't feel that way," he said. "So you're telling me that if I went to one of your crazy events and came up to you and said you're a fucking machine, you'd tell me I'm wrong?" I asked tauntingly. "I would tell you I can do this all day; I embrace the suck. I'm a fucking machine." So we unpacked that thought to see why he saw himself in that light when competing and training yet didn't see himself that way the rest of the time. Being a machine meant he was unstoppable; he could handle any obstacle and deal with the toughest of challenges.
Interestingly enough, he wanted to become a public speaker and audition for acting roles. So far, it could have gone better, he was afraid of speaking publicly, and the few auditions he had were not resulting in the roles he wanted. So, I asked him what made him feel capable of anything when he attended events like Kokoro and Selection. He told me when he went to his first Kokoro event, he was given a T-shirt with his last name on the back. When he put that shirt on, it was like an invincibility cloak. After that first event, he would mentally put the shirt on before an event. So, I asked him what was stopping him from mentally putting it on at other times. He thought about it for a moment and didn't have an answer. Less than a week later, he called me and said, "I just finished an audition and fucking nailed it! I wore the shirt." By the time we finished the book, he had secured multiple roles in Netflix movies and speaking engagements.
Having more conversations about imposter syndrome is crucial, not only for potential authors but for anyone doubting their value. By shifting your focus from personal insecurities to the potential impact your talents, insights, and experiences may have on others, you can not only overcome these barriers to success but make a more significant and more positive contribution to the world.
What are your experiences of imposter syndrome? How do you challenge yourself and others? Please feel free to share!
